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Wake up.   
03:02pm 17/02/2005
 
mood: crushed
music: A Perfect Circle
Been a while.
Wake up and Face me.
Everything has smacked me square in the jaw lately.
My skin turns to aluminum as my hardwiring starts to throb.
Emotions corrupt my system, I'm crashing.

Wake up and Face me.
Don't play dead. Cause maybe
Someday, I will walk away
and say
You fucking disappoint me
Maybe You're Better off this way

Why can't you turn and face me?

I hate everything because I can love. I'm jaded.
His eyes were so sincere but his words fell from an inexperienced mouth.
The guns of life are waiting to kill me.		  
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The Absence of Tranquility in Paradise   
09:12pm 16/11/2004
  Once again I am torn
Love and Sex.
Never can they coinside. And it's people too. I hate people. Why can't we just have large video screens with arms and legs?
And not even the literal meaning of sex either. the person. Sex. Damn it.
With all that's been tossed at me this year, I need some sort of magic 8 ball to fix my life.		  
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09:21pm 08/11/2004
  caught in my mind's clever lies
Alone without romance he sits and he cries
the fog is clearing and i can see
romance and love are not for me

the pangs of guilt and sorrow
will be gone tomorrow

regretful again
my lies
my deceit
I broke him and then
watched him fall to my feet

crush one heart
lift another
so has been my way
sadly it cannot be said
that my heart ever changed		  
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Steel Messiah   
03:07pm 25/09/2004
 
mood: curious
music: Manson

A box made of darkness
the absence of light
Concealing his likeness
within folds of night
So alone
his companion, the dark
watching destruction
of which he's no part


Lip curling
in disgust and disdain
without enough hatred
to open life's vein


Steel messiah
take away my pain


I hate this world
and I'm to blame


Steel messiah


my only fear is time


the more I'm here
the more I'm not alright


Failing lies, glazing eyes
mouthes move yet, no word is kept


Why do my hands shake when death is at my feet?
This world's vice grip makes life so sweet.


Take me from the lies
Free me from life's chains
Save me from depression
My only claim to fame


Steel messiah,
Life is my sin
I came into a battle, I knew I'd never win.

  
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Define definite.   
06:14pm 22/08/2004
 
mood: mischievous
music: Rage Against the Machine

Feeling a little evil. I think I'll post a few pics.

 

( Calm Like A Bomb )

  
     Read 7 - Post
 
   
10:31pm 21/08/2004
 
mood: creative
music: Dido
Anytime I write a journal entry, it becomes another storyline. Honestly, everything relates to writing for me. It's exasperating.

I wrote about a girl who thought God was a star she saw every night, and that he was watching over her. In the end, she realizes that the light was just a radio tower beacon.
I think that was Love.

And I wrote another story about two people who see eachother on a bus and know it's true love, but never speak.

Things like that. But I'm so Da Vinci about my work. It takes me forever to finish something, I jump around too much.

And then there's the fact that I don't believe in the idea of love. so...what is the point of my writing in the first place? Wishful thinking? Then again, the story just says "oh it was true love" and leaves it there. It's not as if I could even hope to understand what these couples claim to feel. I suppose I may go back on my beliefs.

I'd love to believe. I really would.		  
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8/20/04   
08:06pm 20/08/2004
 
mood: Empty
music: Manson

For the Angel of Death
Spread his wings on the blast

And breathed in the face
of the foe as he passed

And the eyes of the sleepers
waxed deadly and chill

And their hearts but once heaved
and forever grew still

 

( Lost )

  
     Read 4 - Post
 
Why I am the way I am 8/12/04   
11:27pm 12/08/2004
 
mood: cold
music: Matrix Classical Techno Remix
We had a project in English last night. We had to order about 12 traits on how they affect our lives.
Religion and Love and Family were my top 3. Marriage was 12.

You may think that Love and Religion mean so much because I have morals.

Wrong.

I don't believe in either. Actually...it may be that I believe in both but deny them. I deny God. I don't know him to exist and can't deal with the indecision. Praying for the sake of it is a lie to me. Love I find to be useless and foolish. Love conquers all as they say. Or is it that Love is conceited in that it thinks itself more important than all other things.

As for Family. Mine is shit. Quick snappy bio:
Rapist Grandfather
Drug Addict Grandmother
Meth Junkie Uncle
Sister I've never met
Midlife crisis Father
Lonely Mother
Me.

I'm sure there's more but those DO affect me no matter how far away they are. So it's negative.		  
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Getting started   
09:03pm 10/08/2004
 
mood: blank
music: Radio
this is my first update. just getting things started. I don't quite know what's going up yet. I guess it'll be my writing and ideas.		  
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